CROCS: What You Don't See

They’re cute on kids and practical at the beach or a water park. But an adult size 11 on the Brooklyn Bridge looks out of place at best – bizarre at its worst unless you know the rest of the story.

The nine-year-old girl wearing a size nine shoe back in the 50s experienced a lot of grief over her big feet. Not many choices in the small dry goods store where she shopped for shoes. One day she found a pair to try, and in response to dear old Mr. Childress’ question, “What size?” she shyly whispered, “size 9.” From then on, every time she entered the store, she, along with all the other customers, heard him say in a loud raspy whisper, “Size 9!” as he slapped his thigh and doubled over with laughter. It didn’t help that every other girl in town had tiny perfect feet. At least that’s how it seemed to her.

Those feet are long past their youth, suffering the effects of being stuffed into too tight shoes and bearing the weight of too many pounds. Only last year, did I come to accept and even love these feet of mine as some dear friends prayed for my feet to be healed. They touched them, even kissed them and declared, “blessed are the feet of those who bring good news.”

With that act of kindness, my heart was forever healed of its pain over how my feet look. That seems so shallow and prideful in view of what others suffer. But God truly does care about every detail of our life, and longs to love us out of our wrong thinking and the consequences we deserve. My feet hurt still, and it looks like surgery may be in my future. I love stylish shoes, but have resigned myself to size 11 shoes made wide enough to accommodate the bunion, inserts and all kinds of weird little pads.

Weeks before the New York trip, I found Sperry rubber boots and a nice pair of casual shoes. I outfitted them with appropriate padding and took practice runs at the mall and hiking through the pasture to break them in. With a fair weather forecast, I had no need for the rubber boots, so I wore the casual shoes with my custom made orthotics and comfy socks. I tucked in a pair of dressy ballet flats for evening events, and at the last moment, decided to pack my new brown Crocs.

In less than 24 hours, I was limping because of the pain in my left foot. Now is where I tell you that I was the honored guest on this trip - planned and made possible by my beautiful daughters - stylish daughters full of energy - eager to see the sights. Imagine how loved I felt when I heard “Mom, wear your Crocs, we don’t care.” They really did not care. My big wide Crocs with the prescription orthotics made a soft secure cushion for these old feet. I navigated the stairs on the subway and the hike across the Brooklyn Bridge with ease - my heart dancing with my young companions.

I’m not much of a photographer, but the picture of my Croc shod foot is a reminder of overwhelming love – HIS love coming through my daughters, Sarah and Emily. All the years of painful pride over my God given feet have vanished into acceptance and gratitude. I’m especially thankful for those savvy folks in Italy who invented Croslite, the waterproof bacteria resistant material perfect for day spa clogs. They later made their way to the USA as boat shoes then to my back door via Amazon.com.

Bordering on TMI, I’ll risk telling you that when Tim and I take dance lessons on Friday nights, unseen under flared pants, both of my knees are wrapped for extra support. Further evidence that things aren’t as they appear. The joy of looking into his eyes like the delight of being in my daughter’s company emphasizes this truth, “though outwardly we are wasting away, inwardly we are being renewed,” by something I call LOVE.

In these trying times, it’s important that we encourage one another to look beyond the obvious. No one does that better than our Lord through the words of Paul.

Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. II Cor. 4:16-18.

Remember that life’s seemingly small challenges can be building in us a history of God’s perfect love – the love that casts out fear. The love that can carry us through illness, natural disasters, wars and rumors of wars – these times when everything than can be shaken is being shaken.

Peace Passed This Test

A big test came. This time, I felt myself reaching for Your hand. You were there filling me with encouragement and giving me wise words. I did not react as a child, but more like the woman you created me to be.

Thank you for Your powerful presence that turned what could have been a disastrous situation into one that is building upon a foundation of love and trust. A foundation that leaves room for hope.

Today, as I read the devotional from Sarah Young's JESUS CALLING, I knew that once again You were speaking personally to me.

“Every problem can teach you something, transforming you little by little into the masterpiece I created you to be. The very same problem can become a stumbling block over which you fall, if you react with distrust and defiance. The choice is up to you, and you will have to choose many times each day whether to trust Me or defy Me.” pp 68

The author goes on to say that we should befriend problems by giving thanks for them. She suggests giving nicknames to those that persist so that we can approach them from a position of power rather than dread.“The next step is to introduce them to Me, enabling Me to embrace them in my loving Presence. I will not necessarily remove your problems, but my wisdom is sufficient to bring good out of every one of them.”

What nickname would I give to that persistent problem? THIEF came to mind. Having the house to myself, I did not hesitate to thank God out loud for the problem. Then I addressed THIEF and invited him to meet my family: God, my Father - Jesus, my brother - Holy Wind, my counselor and comforter. It felt rather good to turn THIEF over to this trilogy of Perfect Love. I then felt free and full of His loving kindness. I spent some time singing and dancing - expressing my adoration through worship.

Though the circumstances have not changed, I am seeing them from God’s perspective, not from the gutter of self-pity or fear. Knowing God. Listening and talking - spirit to SPIRIT. This kind of intimacy with Perfect Love really does "cast out fear" putting a smile on my face and a twinkle in my eyes. Who could ask for anything more?

Peace Is A Choice

Peace Is A Choice

Just know that when I write something, it is from personal experience - something that has affected me deeply. Also know that after I write something, I am usually tested. I failed - back into the gutter - a slow slide in, not a leap this time. We don't usually look at a gutter full of disgusting thoughts, and say to ourselves, "That looks like fun, I think I will go for a swim!" At several points along the way, I could have taken hold of HIS hand. No. No. No. I refused the grace offered and by bedtime, there I was in the stench of gutter life completely surrounded by my selfish, poor me thoughts. I wonder if that's how Jonah felt when he prayed to the Lord from inside the belly of the great fish: "Those who cling to worthless idols forfeit the grace that could be theirs." (Jonah 2:8)

The good news is that repentance is a love word. I can choose to take hold of HIS hand, agree with HIM that I was wrong, ask for forgiveness and know that once again, the blood of Jesus has washed me clean. I can make amends with those whom I have wronged, and lovingly have the slate wiped clean again.

"How did you get there," you ask? By listening to the deceiver. In my last post, I asked the question, "what niggles at you?" More than one astute person questioned that word.

nig·gle (ngl)intr.v. nig·gled, nig·gling, nig·gles1. To be preoccupied with trifles or petty details. 2. To find fault constantly and trivially; carp. Webster’s gives a third definition - gnaw.

The enemy loves to gnaw at your tender, most vulnerable parts. He knows what buttons to push, and takes every opportune moment to whisper his subtle lies into your mind. Paul reminds us in his letter to the Corinthians to "take every thought captive." The deceiver starts his destruction in our mind. We are more apt to catch the blatant assaults - the lies that seem so obvious, but the little ones can creep in causing us to explode or shut down. Both have equally devastating effects upon their victims.

Watch out for the thoughts that niggle at your emotions. Take the cue from your lie based negative feelings. You can own them, find their roots in the lies you have believed, and then ask Jesus for HIS truth. He will never fail to set you free. Sounds simple because it is, but you must choose to once again, take hold of HIS hand. Take hold of TRUTH.

Peace Through Trusting

A dear friend has twice reminded me that there has been no update on my blog since December 29, 2010. No mention of resolutions - I made none. No reference to my January birthday – a day filled with delightful outpourings of love by family and friends. Nothing on the blog for weeks.

Where is PeaceAtHomeJill? At the core of my being, there is the peace that passes understanding, but it does not go unchallenged by life. Not a crisis this time, just day-to-day living.

So what forces my hand to the keyboard today? Simply a desire to encourage those who might read this entry. What aspect of your life is not quite what you had expected? What constantly niggles at you? What draws you into that place of grumbling and complaining, if not out loud, then silently muttering against the circumstance?

For me, it's a matter of trust. I am not willing to let myself go – to fully trust God in this area of life. Lies overwhelm me with fear – fear of the unknown – fear of being hurt and rejected – fear of what I might find - fear of failure. There it is again – when I look at some possible future revelation or event – I don’t see God there. I just see me alone with some devastating problem.

Why do I do that, when I have such a long history with HIS perfect love? HE has never left me nor forsaken me. HIS perfect love has sustained, carried and always brought me through with victory over some of life’s most frightening challenges. HIS character of love and power is impeccable, flawless - perfect in every way. HE has demonstrated HIS love to me over and over. Yet, I doubt. I fall into self-pity – this “poor me” – “whatever will I do” state of being?

The operative word here is “I”. What will “I” do? God forgive me for this self-centered focus. Help me get my mind out of the gutter. I must reach up and “take hold of the curb”. Funny how that little phrase from Tim’s childhood teacher helps me see the absurdity of gutter living. In my heart, I don’t want to settle for living on the street level either – though it is a vast improvement over the squalor of gutter life. My position is one of being seated in heavenly places – even mounting up with wings of eagles. I was designed to soar with HIM.

So, today, once again, I choose to reach up and take hold of HIS hand – the curb is not enough. I choose to hold HIS hand as I go into a new place – making myself vulnerable in an area that is so sensitive.

Now that I am out of this self made pit of doubt and fear, I can begin to grasp the “why” of this struggle. At the heart of it all, is trust put into action. Will I trust HIM in the most sacred place – the living, breathing place of intimacy. The place of knowing……….not what the future holds, but knowing the ONE who holds the future.

Peace in the Storm

There's nothing like a quick trip to the emergency room to test your peace. How about twice in one day? That's how Christmas Eve 2010 began for my husband and me. Tim had all of the signs of a profusely bleeding ulcer, and before the 4 day hospital stay was over, he would receive 7 pints of blood.

Early Christmas Eve afternoon, his doctor recommended that I go home for a few hours with the family and suggested that I bring them to the hospital for a visit later. Emily, Sarah and Peter had organized an elaborate treasure hunt for Howard and Maggie - well written clues for an eight and four year old who were finding it hard to wait for Christmas presents. What fun we were having watching them go from site to site - until Howard hit his leg on the grate that covers a cook pit down at the Manshack. We adults blanched at the sight of the gaping wound, but he dropped his pant leg and raced toward the next clue. An hour later the treasure hunt was over and we were on our way back to the ER for stitches and a visit with Pappy in RM 104.

Don't get me wrong, I hurt for my loved ones, and I was disappointed that our Christmas celebration and Emily's birthday celebration had taken a different turn. But the peace of Jesus was there just like He promised. I even got to pray for another woman whose husband had just come into the ER.

Three days later we got to come home. Tim's blood count was stable and he was regaining his strength, but we left not having a definitive answer for what caused it. More tests would be required.

While we were so grateful to be a home with the current crisis under control, Tuesday found both of us feeling exhausted physically and spiritually. Thankfully, Jesus knows how we feel. Emmanuel, God with us, has experienced everything He asks of us. His love kept coming to us in many forms during this time of waiting - family, friends and personal words of encouragement coming from blogs, daily readings based on scripture and a new little devotional book DRINK DEEPLY WITH DELIGHT by Howard Hanger. (I don't endorse all of his views, but I can't argue with this truth.) Deuteronomy 32:36-39 "God will have compassion on God's servants when their power is gone." One little page of modern commentary on an old truth changed everything. We were feeling like a "pile of pounded poop" and just about as worthless." Love may be an action word; but love is active even when we aren't. Love is alive when we feel dead. Love is vibrant when we're whipped." (pp.14)

It's His love. His perfect love casts out fear. His love saves. Not only in terms of our eternal destiny, but He saves us daily from ourselves. On Thursday, we got some disappointing news requiring a change in direction for Tim's treatment. Hoping to quell the disturbing thoughts, I decided to take down the Christmas tree. Two hours later, my hands were aching and my temper was reaching volcanic proportions as I reached for the wire cutters - that last strand of lights was wound so tightly around the trunk of the tree that a sacrifice was in order. With each cut and pull, I felt worse - the job was getting done, but the emotional dam was breaking - tears, language I'll not repeat here, pent up anger pouring out as I sobbed - broken by a Christmas tree. Where was the peace?

JESUS to the rescue! He saved me from myself once again. Just as I thought I was going to that place of no return, I noticed that I had tracked fresh puppy poop around the garage and into the kitchen. I started to laugh inside. Once again a little critter had been used to snatch me back from a dark place. I forgot about how bad I was feeling and started cleaning up the mess. I asked God to forgive me for taking my anger out on the tree lights instead of taking it to Him. Received His forgiveness and Tim's. Peace restored - the peace that goes beyond our understanding. A peace that comes from being unconditionally loved. A peace that comes from a love not based on my performance.

HIS peace is real whether it's in the throws of emergency room drama or the emotional tempest that follows. He whispers sweet PEACE to me. Peace, peace, be still.

Peace From a Quote

A couple of weeks ago, I randomly turned on the radio in my car to hear Chuck Swindoll say, "It's not your job to clean the fish bowl; just clean up your own stuff." He was speaking about relationships - meaning that while we can't change another person's behavior, we can do something about ours.

Putting that little phrase into action has brought so much peace as I look at the fish bowl of family, church and life in general. I am so thankful that God only holds me accountable for my actions. He brings them to my attention, calls me to take responsibility and then gives me the grace to clean up my mess.

When I take care of "my stuff," I find the prayer of Paul in II Thessalonians 3:16 becoming a reality: "Now may the Lord of peace himself give you peace at all times and in every way."

Peace Is A Journey

The journey into the blogging world begins with the first post. With giddy delight, I'm taking this step. You can't see my face, but picture a toddler's expression when she has made her first vertical journey! Though the distance may be measured in inches lacking grace and form, the thrill of forward motion is undeniable. Lurking somewhere behind that smile is fear. Hopefully it's a healthy fear instilling the appropriate caution needed when developing a new skill. Not a paralyzing fear that keeps nose and eyes to the floor in front of her. The very important learning season of crawling is over. She will no longer be restrained by having to coordinate four limbs at once and seeing things at floor level.

Keep this analogy in mind as you read. I'm taking this first step because I was meant to tell a story. Just like babies are expected to crawl then walk as a natural progression of God given design, I was designed to be a story teller - verbal and written. Bear with me as I toddle through this first attempt. My prayer is that my stories will encourage you just as I have been encouraged by others.

Whenever I start something new, I remember a picture shown to me by a good friend. It's a picture of Jesus helping a toddler learn to walk. Imagine the look of encouraging delight on His face. Feel the warmth of His hands as he steadies your balance. And hear the tenderness in His voice when you fall. I'm counting on that picture becoming reality as I lovingly experience Him say, "Good job, it's okay, try again, let ME help you."

Maybe you're taking a first step today. Maybe it's a delightful step into something fun and exciting. Or maybe it's a step into something that is difficult and sad. From one who knows, trust me...........HE is trustworthy, and He will be there for you.

There will be more stories to come - my journey of peace began with a promise: John 14:27 "Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid."